motormouths | First gear

[There's a light crackle as Souda fiddles with his Pokeconnect before he comes in clear.]

...uck!

[It's like an echo of Kuzuryuu's message on the network, only it's weeks late. Thankfully, he didn't have it on for two whole minutes of his freaking out, but he's still a pathetic crying mess. All the cold has apparently sapped the all the hope right out of his body. His boilersuit is zipped straight up, and his teeth are chattering.

Arguing with some lady who acted like a mother really didn't help his morale.]

Sonia-san, [Of course he calls out for her first, the predictable bastard] Hinata, the rest of ya guys! Are ya getting any of this?! [There isn't even a pause as he continues, because the tears on his face are freezing.]

F-First off, why the hell are there Pokémon?!

[The view pans down to show off his Totodile down by his feet chewing on his shoelaces. Souda is nervously laughing outside of view.]

Aha...ahahaaa... I'm dreaming, right? 'cause I played the first one when I was younger, but... There wasn't any ever like this one here!

This shit ain't funny! It's way too cold for it to be a joke! Goin' from an island to frozen hell?! If that Naegi kid is here, I'm throwing this thing [he means his Totodile] right at him! And I wanna go home, so ya guys better come out and get me already!

[...And now he just sounds like one of those children who lost their parents in a gigantic store.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hagakure is about to wonder if everyone from this class is really unwound, but then he remembers he didn't exactly take his own arrival very well so he feels sympathetic for this kid.]

Dude, you need to calm down! It's not a dream or heaven or an alien abduction! Especially that last one! Trust me man, I freaked out when I got here too, but it's actually not too bad!

[If you ignore all the drama...which is hard to do nvm.]

How d'you know Naegi-chi anyway? One of your classmates [he's guessing since Hinata was mentioned] brought him up but wouldn't say anything!

[Super Dangan Ronpa 2 is a hell of a ride.

Souda's about to say something, but two key words are here. So this is one of Naegi's classmates! Why does he look way older than Naegi?]

We... We just know him! [Fuck. Fuuuck, Souda is absolutely the worst at keeping secrets. Oh god. Bring up another topic, quick!] It's...not like a key plot detail!

But... [Alien thing. For the love of god.] ...How do ya even know what alien abduction is like? [Please take this shakily placed bait.]

[The joys of being involved in murder school amirite. The joys of surviving murder school as well.

Hagakure squints when the question is evaded yet again. This is seriously getting weird. Why are they hiding their knowledge of Naegi? Maybe he should just ask Naegi himself...

But instead of pressing the subject, he takes the shaky bait because clearly talking about aliens is more important than talking about totally-not-key plot details.]

'cause I've witnessed it, true as truth.

[Yep.]

Edited 2014-02-05 04:30 (UTC)

[Good luck with asking Naegi, man. Just don't you dare ask Kirigiri. If Kirigiri drills him, though, they're equally fucked.]

True as truth?! The hell does that mean? Like, you were abducted or something?!

[...Hagakure does actually look like the kind of guy who would be abducted by aliens. His hair is probably like some sort of homing beacon. He summoned them all to steal part of his hamburger. Yep.]

[Maybe Kirigiri will have mercy on Hagakure and spare him the deets.

Surprisingly though Hagakure's hair is less ridiculous at the moment because Leon coerced him into getting it cut. But it's still as wild as ever.]

No, it wasn't me. But I caught 'em in the act! Get this, dude.

[And it's here that he spins a wild, gripping, edge-of-your-seat story about how part of his burger got abducted by aliens as an act of cattle mutilation and it lead him to discover that his burger with not 100% beef like the person who sold it to him claimed.]

I busted his dirty lies good, dude! There was no way he'd be getting away with that kinda false advertising anymore!

[...They really are destined to be friends. Similar sprites and everything. And after all that, without even any contemplation on Souda's part, he blurts out:]

...No way in hell! [Not that Souda isn't a massive fan of SCIENCEEE, but!!] Ya mean to tell me they actually went through all that work for just the cow part?

No alien would waste that much time for a burger! I mean, c'mon, I thought it was gonna be interesting! Like you gettin' kidnapped and seein' what all technology and machinery's up there! [Look, aliens are scary, but alien spacecraft is completely different.]

[Well now Hagakure's visibly offended.]

Are you saying I'm lying? Trust me man, I don't lie about this stuff. I'm dead serious.

[He...definitely seems serious enough about it too. Serious over a burger being abducted by aliens, yep.]

I mean yeah it would've been way different if I got abducted myself, but think about how scary that would be, dude! They'd experiment on me and probe me and stuff! No one wants that!

H-Hey, I never said I wanted to get kidnapped or nothin', but I'm a mechanic! Think about all that new machinery up there, man! They'd have stuff centuries way ahead of us!

[It's not like Souda is secretly a super nerd or any-- Aww hell, he is.]

Plus, if I talked it out, maybe I'd get blueprints and stuff! But they only wanted a hamburger? I don't know, those sound like some pretty boring aliens! And, ain't that stereotype that all aliens are after is cows an American one, anyway?

Edited (yOU SAW NOTHING) 2014-02-12 13:56 (UTC)

Well yeah, 'course they do! How else do you think we've gotten as advanced as we have in such a short amount of time? They've been helping us along the whole time!

[LET YOUR MIND BE BLOWN or something.]

I doubt my poor burger was the only beef they mutilated that night. They probably took tons of cows and burgers for experiments!

[He actually looks confused about that last part though.]

Yeah? So? S'not like it can't happen in Japan too. Weird stuff goes on all over the world, man.

[About that...]

...G-Gh...

[Damn, Hagakure is a really unique kind of guy.

Although, conspiracy theories aside, that would be one of Souda's dreams, working with aliens and learning about distant technology-- If you consider some things, and if Hagakure's words are actually true, that...has likely already happened. Whoops, spoilers.]

Damn it! You're really makin' me wonder what all memories they took from us all now! That's somethin' I've always wanted to do! Like, build rockets and stuff like that!

[Yep, everything that Hagakure just said was a massive tease.]

But there's no way I learned from a bunch of borin' aliens who like abducting innocent cows, man! [Because that's clearly the key detail here.] I never even understood that stereotype! Do they eat 'em? Experiment on 'em? What's the point?

They're not boring, dude! You're acting like they only abduct cows. They do so much more than just that! But to answer your question, no one knows why they take the cows, but my guess is they're experimenting on 'em. But hey, maybe they have an acquired taste for foreign food too. We just don't know right now. If only they'd actually stop to talk to us!

[Maybe they already have and the government just covered it all up? So many possible theories, Souda.

He tilts his head in thought.]

What's keeping you from building rockets though? That's something humans can do, and you're a Super High School Level Mechanic, right? That should be child's play for you!

[Souda hadn't really expected for Hagakure to be the hamburger whisperer. But, through that mess of words, Hagakure actually said something super useful!]

It should be! It really should be, I should be able to build this super massive rocket, rig it with all this stuff, maybe have it light up the sky, all that cool stuff! If you're actually right, I might've even worked with aliens and stuff! I've kept blueprints and stuff with me for years, just waiting and adding more stuff!

...But, they pretty much erased all I learned in school, y'know? What I know now, I've built models and stuff, but that ain't the real deal. Can't exactly build anything too big in a garage, and--

[Wait, shit.] ...What's your talent, anyway? Super High School Level... Ah, conspiracy theorist guy? [Is Hagakure really that one guy from the history channel?]

First gear | Video

[video]

[video] good god Kuzuryuu will kill him if he messes up again

[video] even the sdr2s themselves are spoiler tagging

[video] hey do you wanna hear a joke

[video] lay it on me

[video] Souda's love life

[video] amazing

[video] what's even sadder is Souda doesn't have a matching sprite for that

[video] he's got the yelling and crying one but yeah, darn

[video]

[video]

[video] tags from five years later